Friends – am I to give “Bob” all the credit for this moment of self-actuating and self-stimulating understanding?
Or could there be even more sinister forces at work here?
Well – I must give credit where at least some credit is due, and there happens to be one other I must thank for this divine wisdom.
One other entity that I must pay tribute for my final reckoning.
Friends – I must take a moment to give thanks to the Conspiracy itself.
Now, I know it must come as a great shock to my brothers and sisters.
I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself “How could he give that lumbering, all-consuming, Slack sucking machine of slow, agonizing species death an ounce of credit for anything other than piston fucking the collective rectums of our congregation?
You’re probably wondering how in the hell I can sit here with the audacity to give any appreciation to that which we have sworn our undying hatred towards?
You must be trying to understand where this silly sonuvabitch gets off polishing the helmet of that which our sweet acts of subversion seek to destroy?
Why you ask?
Because the Conspiracy pushed my fat ass straight into “Bob’s” pipe, and for the first time in my life I know what true Slack means for me – I realize I had it all along – and no matter what hell bound path the Conspiracy has planned for me, they will never be able to take it away from me!
Praise fucking “Bob!
Now, don’t get me wrong – I like my fellow SubGenii am far from perfect.
I admit that I am guilty of many acts of stupidiy – some more recent than I care to admit – and some I look back on and wonder why I’m even still here after pulling such a stupid stunt.
Well – the old proverb “Wise is the admitted dumbass” has never been truer – and this dumbass looks back on his experiences with hard earned wisdom, humility and a better understanding of the stupidity around us all.
Six BILLION points of stupid that is…
These ill-reputed sons of fatherless camels – these ignorant, sycophantic piles of donkey spunk.
Of course I’m speaking of the mindless glorps, pinks and asshole figureheads within the Conspiracy who rob the Slack of the true Yeti.
Tools! Every last one! Unworthy of the edict of “Bob,” they bumble to and fro stupidly clinging to any shred of false Slack they think they have – praising their lord for giving them something they’ve never known and were never given in the first place!
Now, I know there are some pretty strong opinions over what to do with the legions of myopically minded half-wits.
Hey – why wait for X-day to enslave the masses – especially since they are nothing more than fodder for our demented fantasies.
What’s more fun than convincing the stupid to take that bullet for you?
What better way to keep slaves than to convince them they aren’t slaves to begin with – the Conspiracy has had it down to a science since air, right?
It seems these opinions have widened the Great Divide between the clenches of our little church of the inside joke.
Of course, I speak of the rift between the intellectual Ivangelicals – hoping to ‘save’ the human race from extinction by ‘enslaving’ them for menial labor, experimentation, human sacrifice and sexual exploitation.
The militant Holocaustals striving to completely snuff out the moronic masses of this planet.
And virtually every other clench and schism branching haphazardly off the backs and carcasses of “Bob’s” conquests.
A massive pit of collective ideals and abnormality – a cacophony of white noise, a stream of conscienceless so muddled through the mudding of our sacred shores by the trample of individuals, beating our collective chests loud enough to rock the very heavens above!
This pit has become so wide and so full, I can’t see the other side! Friends – I have stared into the abyss of my twisted soul, and I have seen the face of true terror – and it is “Bob!”
My friends – I must tell you I wouldn’t give two shits for what happens to this planet, or the stagnant, pink races.
As a founding member of the A.o.t.F.C., I am here to remind you we have all gathered at these sacred grounds for the same damn reason – no matter what opinions we hold.
The divine pronouncement of Dobbs proclaims we will be on the Xist’s ships getting our eternal freak on with the ÜberSexGodesses on our journey to Planet X!
As long as we keep our ‘senses’ about us; Common sense, sense of humor and dollars and cents!
“Bob” has seen my green – so I got nothing to worry about.
“Bob” is in my corner, because I’m in his pocket!
Why should I care about infighting, rivalry and feudin’ within the church?
See, you’re so busy fighting over whose vision sounds better that you seem to forget the best part of all this – SEX WITH ALIENS!
We’re gonna be living it up WAY up in the motherfucking mothership, getting our fancies tickled by the most exotic extraterrestrial intersexuals this galaxy has ever known!
Fuck the pinks! Leave’em alone or kill’em all – It just doesn’t matter!
At this point we’re all nothing more than performing monkeys here to tickle the twisted funny bone of the creatures of the carnal cosmos!
“Bob” sold it; we smoked it – that settles it!