My friends, I must address an issue that has been plaguing me since my ordainment. Something that insists on pissing in my corn flacks. Someone continues to stick his dick in my birthday cake and, quite frankly – I’m a little tired of it.
For you see, I’ve had the distinct displeasure of having to deal with some of those who are worse than pink – far worse than the masses of pink putrescence that plague this planet – those silly shitheads, at least, aren’t even aware they are pink.
This inundation of the most vile and despicable creature to ever slither and slink its way up from the depths of the primordial sludge…
Those who are unworthy of sucking farts from the arse of G’broagfran – who bleat monotonous amounts of mental deficiency – regurgitating ineptitude at levels that even most pinks are incapable of.
These putrid imperfections of protozoan puke permeate the dark recesses of the church far more than I ever dared to believe.
Hiding behind their Dobbshead t-shirts, pretending to know the paths to Frenzy, blindly following the edicts of those who would and will take advantage of them for their own deliciously demented, yet tastefully slackful purposes.
Do not underestimate these vile and disgusting abominations!
These bobbies are fully aware of their pinkness, yet they deny it – in fact, I’m absolutely positive that some listening right now don’t even realize that this is directed towards them.
I’ll place a wager of money AND Slack that right now they are thinking “Yeah, you Give’em hell “Suds!”
You moron! Go back to giving yourself a spiritual swirly, take a hardy dose of ‘sit the fuck down’ with a tall glass of ‘shut the fuck up’ to wash it down!
These degenerate, feces flinging monkeys have wasted our time – worse, they waste our Slack and that is unforgivable!
As for their punishment, we shall continue to use and abuse them for our own entertainment.
They shall suffer, never knowing the reasons why “Bob” has never seen fit to grant them true Slack – their suffering will be delicious candy for all across the corporate galaxy.
In the future, we shall bring forth to you detailed accounts of our torturous attempts at abusing the bumbling buffoons we find so detestable.
Their actions shall be remembered come X-Day – when the legions of card carrying church member shall be enjoying the immaculate madness of SexHurt and Oozquirt.
Laughing with the ÜberSexGodesses over the destruction of the bobbies and their pink brethren!
And in any case – “Bob” will keep their money.
So reaffirm your faith in the Sultan of Sales – the instigator of yucks for the alien warbarers.
May the pure hatred for these sorry fuckers, who blissfully allow the madness to continue unabated fuel this engine of reprisal.
May the rage sustained by pink insanity drive this vehicle -- May the fire of our hatred keep us nourished through even the darkest times – may it warm us in our coldest nights!
May you find shelter amongst the wrinkles of “Bob’s scrotum – may his shadow of opulence pave your path of least resistance.
May SubGenius efforts in proverbial pie-chucking and backhanded slapstick appease the lunatic gods and their insatiable funny bone!
Lest we once again find ourselves hung out to dry on X-Day – being mercilessly mocked and heckled from beyond the stars.
Praise god damn “Bob!”